Table Tuesday: Demi-humans that caused the Gods to impose race and level limits

It’s another Table Tuesday!  In some old school games, many races had class or level limits due to them starting with additional bonus abilities or powers such as infravision, the ability to see slopes etc. Allegedly that’s down to play balance, to allow human characters to have some advantage. That’s not the truth. It really comes down to certain adventurers pissing off the Gods…

Table 6: Demi-humans that caused the Gods to impose race and level limits

Roll Result
1 Garric Glitterdust of the Glamrock Clan brought shame to all dwarves by playing loud and raucous music while screeching and stomping his feet on the ground, all the while dressed in clothes woven from shimmering metals and covered in precious gems. From the day of the fateful cave-in in Stonegrave Mount that collapsed all of the tunnels, no dwarf has ever been allowed by the gods to become a bard.
2 The power of magic proved to be the undoing of dwarf Mikkal Bluthhammer of the Bluthhammer Clan, when the attempt to summon an army of fifth level demons went awry and instead summoned an army of lawyers all called Bob Loblaw armed with Bombs of Law that turned upon the Bluthammers and caused them complete financial catastrophe.
3 After hearing one too many love ballads from the Elven songmistress Sellindeeon, the Elven gods brought all their powers to bear upon the Elves and forbade them from ever singing about love again. Instead they must now only sing songs about trees and flowers and animals and shit.
4 After a legendary battle between Orcs and the combined armies of Men, Dwarves, and Elves, the Elven Gods decided the acrobatic antics of a single lone Elf on the battlefield meant that no more Elves should ever be awarded the skills and abilities of a master ranger. Especially not if he’s going to abuse them sliding down the trunks of animals in battle and counting off kills with his Dwarf “best friend”. Not cool. Bad Elf.
5 Zanhik Fizzerwizzle is the Gnome responsible for limiting all Gnomes’ to only illusion magic, mostly because of a love of fire, flammable objects, a love of fire, a lack of self-control when it comes to mayhem, and a love of fire. Did we mention the love of fire? In order to save Gnomes from self-immolating, the gods removed the physical nature of magic from Gnome magic, except in certain extreme cases. Those don’t end well.
6 The actual removal of the entire Gnome pantheon of Gods and Goddesses and the loss of Gnome clerics came about because Pithdinkey Wobblenozzle played a practical joke and replaced the names of every single God and Goddess in the pantheon with misspelled versions of their real names. As generations continued to use the texts to refer incorrectly to their deities and they stopped having powers because of lack of worshippers, the Gods and Goddesses banded together and changed their names to match those in the texts. Some time after this, the practical joke was discovered and all of the texts were corrected, which pissed off the Gods and Goddesses, who changed their names again and decreed that there would never be a Gnome cleric that could call upon them. Gods and goddesses have long memories. They’re still pissed to this day.
7 Several failed attempts at gastronomy-based magic by Polladeen Butterlove, a Halfling magic user, caused the inadvertent creation of the Gastronomicon and opened several portals to the several planes of existence where food-derived diseases and disorders of the body such as diabetes were made manifest as food-based demons. The Gods decided such power was too much for such a single race of people, and removed their ability to cast magic, but gave them instead a great love of food and the inability to suffer from metabolic disorders. Just in case such demons came through again and needed to be disposed of, of course.
8 It turns out that music is not the food of love as Rapscallion Shudderstaff, the Halfling bard, found out. His attempts to woo his love through his own sonnets and ballads were so terrible that they caused actual physical pain for those who heard them – this caused six of those he attempted to woo to die. Those who sang his sonnets and ballads caused the same pain too. After several generations of Halflings continually being exposed to the terrible works of Shudderstafff, the Gods removed any ability of any Halfling to ever not be jovial, happy, and carefree and also removed any instinct to write sonnets or ballads. While they removed any sort of singing ability from them, they did leave them with amazing musical skills with washboards, spoons, and jars, and instilled a love of colored grass.

A new table will be coming next week, one that is perhaps a little less contentious.

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